I am in my last year at seminary, unless something goes awry. It has dawned on me that I am not too sure of what I want to do [or feel called to do] upon my assumed graduation. I am uninspired and unengaged currently. I feel called to ministry. I want to pursue this call. I am just burned out in the process. I feel isolated from the system and frustrated by the hoops we have to navigate on the way to ordination.

I have just hit the up swing from my bout with the pneumonia, which coincided with the first week of classes. Am still rather tired and now much more overwhelmed than normal. This must be accounted for as I write this. But alas I am tired. I read many books on post modern religious application and seek to be a light or perhaps a better term a lightning rod for change in the denomination.

We are doing good things(?). I just wonder where the transformation is. Where is the radical love present in the gospel. I hear all the time the need for something new. Yet folks are fearful of putting themselves out there as transparent, vessels of God’s undying love. We have to answer the call to love, the call to justice, and the call to radical transformation from the bondage of the status quo!

As I near graduation and the possible venture into ministry I am growing convicted of the need to challenge the system and F’ stuff up. The church is so afraid of dying IT WILL DIE! Is this not what we are called to do? Are we not to die unto Christ?

Then as a reformed church where is transformation visable in our denomination? I am frustrated by the power struggle for property and material goods. I wish we would be so passionate and hungry to serve the poor and marginalized as we are in keeping “truth” and order in the proper hands.

It is my understanding that the emerging ethos demands that we address the world via a relevant cultural lens that highlights the love of God. To radically endeavor to be followers of Christ in ways that embrace culture not isolate and hoginize it. If fear is in the equation than walking any walk will lead us to another stalemate with the status quo. We must challenge the status quo. I struggle with balencing transformation and grace.

This is when I resort to my favorite Acronym, WTFWJD?

The expletive f@%k is the only adjective I can think of that is close to my frustration when I think about our failure to do and our zeal to do not. How can w earnestly move to wards reconciliation with a desperate longing fit for an outsider. Cause folks we are outsiders looking into righteousness.